How to start this post...I decided to write this because as much as I love my mom sometimes she can say some of the most hurtful things, probably not realizing how bad they actually hurt. I did not feel like telling her how much it hurt me because it has always been a touchy subject and I really did not want to overreact. So I kept my mouth shut and now I am writing it all down.
Today as my mom was driving us home from my sister's baby shower I was telling her how I love my best friends and how I feel like I can tell them anything. For example, one of my guy friends wants to be a nurse, so I told him about my colposcopy (a procedure in which the doctor biospies uterine cells to, in my case, make sure my cells are not cancerous) I had yesterday. Well while I was explaining to my mom what exactly it is that they do during the procedure she said, "Emily you really need to make better choices when it comes to your sexual partners because this is the second one that has made you have to have a colposcopy." My first response was, "but mom I have only slept with three men." To which she responded, "Well two out of three have been not your best choices." After she said that I wanted to open the fucking car door and just jump out of the car.
Why would you say such a thing?! Especially to your daughter. I just could not believe it.
Here is where I will start to explain why I felt like jumping out of the car, I guess...
So as my avid readers know from a previous post entitled: The Three Lucky Gentlemen
I have only slept with three men in my entire sex life. My second sexual partner, who I named Gaston in my previous post, was really the only sexual partner I had for a substantial amount of time. Well, I thought he was clean because he was a marine and I am pretty sure they do health screenings regularly in the Marines to make sure that their soldiers are healthy. We only had protected sex the first two times out of eleven times we did have sex. After I severed all communication ties with Gaston in November of 2008 I had my annual physical at the doctor in May. This was the first time ever that I had abnormal pap smear results. They made me schedule an appointment to come in for a follow-up appointment where they would do a colposcopy procedure to look further in-depth at my uterine cells. Well, the results came back and my cells were determined to be pre-cancerous. My doctor said this can only mean that I got HPV (human papillomavirus) from my sexual partner.
The biggest life changing news for me. I went home and cried. Well, because this happened I had to go back to the doctor every four months to have a pap smear to make sure nothing turned out to be cancerous and after a year of that everything went back to normal. I went back to the once a year pap smear...until this year.
**Before I get into that I just want to point out that after Gaston and I severed ties I did not have sex with anyone until November 23, 2011. I was celibate for three years and three months before I had sex again.**
So, I went for my annual physical this past March and low and behold I had another abnormal pap smear. Once again I had to go to the doctor for a follow-up colposcopy appointment, which I had yesterday. My mom thinks it was because of Josh, my third sexual partner, and I was actually offended when she hinted at that because once you have HPV, you have it. She cannot just blame the next guy I sleep with for an abnormal pap smear.
I wanted to literally just jump out of the car. Not only did I feel like she was disrespecting me to my face, she was disrespecting my sexual partner and friend that she does not even know.
Anyways...so I have HPV. If you don't know a lot about HPV, I suggest you do some light reading on it! Yes, I got all the Gardasil shots when I was in high school, but guess what? They only protect against, I believe, six out of the 40+ strains there are of HPV. I just so happened to I guess get one of the strains it does not protect against.
**For more facts on HPV you can go here: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and here: HPV.com Get The Facts **
HPV.com gives very insightful information about HPV and really helped me understand that I sure as hell am not alone and even if I had taken every precautionay measure while having sex, all HPV needs to spread from one person to another is genital contact. You do not even have to have sex to get it! HPV is the most common sexually transmitted infection. I feel sort of gross and ashamed knowing that I have it, but my symptoms are the cervical cancer possibilities. Cool! I could possibly die from cancer that is caused by an STI. *sarcasm*
Right well, getting back to what my mom said earlier today, it really hurt my feelings that my mom thinks that my sexual partners caused me to have another abnormal pap smear...Guys can't be screened for HPV, but I am about 99.9% sure it was Gaston who was the carrier, mainly because he cheated on me and was sleeping with other females who were not the safest nor cleanest people I knew. It hurt my feelings because it only takes one sexual partner to get an STI like HPV and my mom was pretty much telling me that my third sexual partner gave me HPV again...I was also hurt that she would call me out like that and hit me with such a low blow.
I don't know...I guess I wrote this because I thought I could make myself feel better writing this down and I guess also let other ladies out there that have HPV know that they are not alone, yep. Also, I am here if anyone ever wants to talk about it.
