Sex...
What do I think of when you say the word sex?
-Well, right now all I can think of is, "Let's do it!" Unfortunately it is not that easy.
Sex is both complicated and simplistic.
Sex was primarily man's way of recreating life, but over time man started to have sex for more recreational purposes...
When you say sex, I think of a man inside a woman in the missionary position; the typical way that it is portrayed, but we all know it is not just that.
Sex is between a man and a woman, a man and a man, a woman and a woman and the other types, i.e. human and animal.
Sex is oral - penis in mouth, tongue in vagina.
Sex is anal - penis in anus.
Sex is vaginal intercourse - the definition is in the name.
Sex is vagina on vagina - not really sure what the technical term for this is, but I call it scissoring.
Sex is when any type of sexual bodily fluids are exchanged, whether it be through your vagina, anus, or mouth. The penis really only excretes fluid, but it is an important feature for sex.
Did you know that a person can make themselves orgasm, just by thinking about it?! (no touching, just thinking!)
If you think I'm crazy, I'm not, I saw it on the Discovery Channel TV Show Curiosity and it was pretty interesting. It obviously takes longer than manually touching yourself masturbation, but still, isn't it awesome that our brain really has the control over the pleasure center location of our body?!
Sex is seen in different ways in different cultures. One culture believes sex is sacred, one believes it is only for procreation, one believes it is a means of torture, one believes it is possibly the best human connection, and one believes it is scientific.
I mean these are just a few ways sex is viewed and to be honest, when someone says, "it's just sex," it's not.
A whole lot of stuff goes into it: You and your partner rub bodies and start to feel each other up and down, clothes come of, kisses become deep, breathing becomes shallow, heart races, blood flows down towards sexual organs, (the penis swells), body starts to sweat, and then before you know it both partners have climaxed and feel ultimately one of the best sensations a human being could ever feel, an orgasm.
Sex really is a curious thing. I am always thinking about it, always wondering why I have so many thoughts and dreams about it. I always wonder about the thousands, if not millions, of positions that are possible with sex. I think about the many places sex could occur and I wonder why porns are not really what sex is depicted in my mind.
I also think about the after effects of sex, there is always an emotional connection, there is the chance of pregnancy, there is the chance of contracting an STI, and there is the loss of one's virginity.
If you haven't noticed, I love talking about sex, watching, having, reading about sex, and this is just one of those random times I decided to write about it. Hope you enjoyed it. ;)
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Depression Sucks
Well, obviously my title speaks for itself.
I am depressed, I have not yet been diagnosed, but I know how I feel and it is really sounding like it.
This is a pretty deep feeling...it's like I will be happy around my very good friends and family, but in the absence of that I am that person walking down the street and everything and everyone else around me seems to be moving 1,000 times faster and I am just there with tears in my eyes. I honestly do not know what made me start feeling this way.
There are several factors that I think could influence this:
1. my weight
2. living alone
3. not being able to find a job
4. taking 18 hours this semester
5. coming home to an empty house
6. only having a cat to talk to
7. not being able to get control over my eating habits
8. always being tired/not getting enough sleep
9. depending on my parents for all income
10. feeling completely alone
I mean and that's just 10...On Sunday, September 4, 2011, my family transferred our membership to a new church and as tradition new members leave out with the Senior Pastor and Associate Pastor and receive greetings and welcomes from members of the church. While I stood there shaking people's hands and saying thank you, in the back of my mind I felt like a complete fake and wanted to run off crying. I do not know why, I just did.
I guess another thing is that I know I may say I am okay with being single, but I am at my third year of celibacy/no sexual intimacy with a man. I have not had a relationship for three years and I see all these happy couples around me, fully enamored and some even getting married and I just feel terrible. I feel selfish saying this, but it is like, why won't any guy pick me? Why can I not find love other than family love? Am I not pretty enough? Am I not skinny enough? I know I am smart enough, so there's no question about that. Am I doing something wrong? I just don't get how some people have it so easy and people like me don't. I know I am young, but dammit why does no one seem to want me?
I feel happy for a little while during the day, but I always seem to go back to feeling completely empty. Little things set me off, like today for example a girl in my class turned to me and said "You don't like anything do you?" I wanted to leave the room crying. I wanted to defend myself, but that comment caught me off guard. I did not speak the rest of class except to describe what TMZ does exactly. I walked back to my apartment trying to hold back my tears after that class. She did say a couple of minutes later that her statement was not meant to be mean, but it was already interpreted that way and it really hurt.
I sit at my apartment talking to my cat, the only one I have 24 hours a day who truly loves me, and still feel so empty. I am NOT suicidal. I am just not happy and cry a lot. I have no idea why, I have no idea why it won't go away and I am going to talk to a professional about it soon.
I just don't understand how someone like me who is blessed with a family and friends who love her, has a pet who is always there, is a college student doing very well in school, is a 21 year old with a new car that her parents pay for, has a cell phone her parents pay for, has an apartment her parents pay for, and knows what she wants in her future, yet I feel so empty and so sad.
I feel like I have this daily facade where I act happy in all of my classes, around my friends, and smile in pictures that are taken, but when the curtains close I have my head in my hands and I am just crying.
I am mainly posting this because I know I am not the only one out there and not everyone knows how I feel right now and this is a way I feel comfortable telling people...well and sometimes writing things out is a little therapeutic to me. I love my friends and family who have been there for me since I told them and it really does help! I just wish it helped more...I guess that's why I am going to a counselor to talk things out.
I am depressed, I have not yet been diagnosed, but I know how I feel and it is really sounding like it.
This is a pretty deep feeling...it's like I will be happy around my very good friends and family, but in the absence of that I am that person walking down the street and everything and everyone else around me seems to be moving 1,000 times faster and I am just there with tears in my eyes. I honestly do not know what made me start feeling this way.
There are several factors that I think could influence this:
1. my weight
2. living alone
3. not being able to find a job
4. taking 18 hours this semester
5. coming home to an empty house
6. only having a cat to talk to
7. not being able to get control over my eating habits
8. always being tired/not getting enough sleep
9. depending on my parents for all income
10. feeling completely alone
I mean and that's just 10...On Sunday, September 4, 2011, my family transferred our membership to a new church and as tradition new members leave out with the Senior Pastor and Associate Pastor and receive greetings and welcomes from members of the church. While I stood there shaking people's hands and saying thank you, in the back of my mind I felt like a complete fake and wanted to run off crying. I do not know why, I just did.
I guess another thing is that I know I may say I am okay with being single, but I am at my third year of celibacy/no sexual intimacy with a man. I have not had a relationship for three years and I see all these happy couples around me, fully enamored and some even getting married and I just feel terrible. I feel selfish saying this, but it is like, why won't any guy pick me? Why can I not find love other than family love? Am I not pretty enough? Am I not skinny enough? I know I am smart enough, so there's no question about that. Am I doing something wrong? I just don't get how some people have it so easy and people like me don't. I know I am young, but dammit why does no one seem to want me?
I feel happy for a little while during the day, but I always seem to go back to feeling completely empty. Little things set me off, like today for example a girl in my class turned to me and said "You don't like anything do you?" I wanted to leave the room crying. I wanted to defend myself, but that comment caught me off guard. I did not speak the rest of class except to describe what TMZ does exactly. I walked back to my apartment trying to hold back my tears after that class. She did say a couple of minutes later that her statement was not meant to be mean, but it was already interpreted that way and it really hurt.
I sit at my apartment talking to my cat, the only one I have 24 hours a day who truly loves me, and still feel so empty. I am NOT suicidal. I am just not happy and cry a lot. I have no idea why, I have no idea why it won't go away and I am going to talk to a professional about it soon.
I just don't understand how someone like me who is blessed with a family and friends who love her, has a pet who is always there, is a college student doing very well in school, is a 21 year old with a new car that her parents pay for, has a cell phone her parents pay for, has an apartment her parents pay for, and knows what she wants in her future, yet I feel so empty and so sad.
I feel like I have this daily facade where I act happy in all of my classes, around my friends, and smile in pictures that are taken, but when the curtains close I have my head in my hands and I am just crying.
I am mainly posting this because I know I am not the only one out there and not everyone knows how I feel right now and this is a way I feel comfortable telling people...well and sometimes writing things out is a little therapeutic to me. I love my friends and family who have been there for me since I told them and it really does help! I just wish it helped more...I guess that's why I am going to a counselor to talk things out.
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