Revise, review, renew, reconsider. (I like that.)
I'm in the last year of my twenties and I am having a fucking crisis. I quit my full-time job on June 11th, after my shift for that day ended. I'm go-go dancing at the gay club, but let's be real, I'm not making shit on those shifts except for maybe enough to cover my student loan payment for the month. That being said, I love dancing, so it's a job I sincerely enjoy going to on Thursday nights when I'm on the schedule. I'm taking modern dance and playing beach volleyball, which are both positives in my life at the moment. I'm supposed to be training for a half-marathon I signed up for that's on November 3rd, but I have no motivation to run further than a 5k on a regular basis and it's just so fucking hot right now, outdoor training is almost laughable and not happening. On top of that, on July 2nd I was in a pretty serious car accident where my mom's Honda C-RV I was driving was t-boned by a Prius trying to speed across 5 lanes of traffic and "didn't see me". When the C-RV came to a stop, I've never had so many strangers try to help me out of the car and come to the realization that the impact made it so no one could open the driver's door.
Lots of things came into focus when I had this accident and it stressed me the fuck out.
- While I knew this accident was not my fault, my first fucking thought after seeing that my friend in the passenger seat was okay was that my parents were going to be pissed. They just refinanced the C-RV. They just put new tires on it. I just felt so much fucking guilt. I didn't even give a shit that I was alive, I gave a shit about the fucking condition of the C-RV.
- My next thought was holy shit! I don't have health insurance! This is the main reason why I didn't go to the hospital until the following evening because I knew I could not afford that medical bill, if I was forced to pay it, which I later learned I would not have to pay.
- Lastly, I thought about how pathetic my life has been up to that point. Pathetic in the sense that there are still so many things I want to do and experience...like the fact that I haven't had sex or been intimate at all with another partner in over 7.5 years and I still haven't been to Glasto!
Anyways, I did go to the hospital and was evaluated physically after the accident. No injuries to report, except for whiplash, which meant I was still able to go on my trip to Colorado that I had planned for months. I had a blast in Colorado, however I am back to reality now and just in this grey area of I need a job to live, but I want to do what makes me happy and I'm not even sure I'm qualified for anything.
There are a lot of things I would like to do, but they involve further schooling and money, surprise, sur-fucking-prise!
The professional background I have of five years in fundraising and development is great and all, but it is not what I want to do for the rest of my life. It's part of the reason I moved to Australia to study Sexology. I wanted a different professional avenue. Once I got to Australia and started my program, I learned I would need even further schooling if I wanted to become a Sex Therapist, well shit.
I completed the Graduate Diploma program and moved back home. I was so desperate for work when I moved back to the States that I took a full-time job in a field I never worked in, which was veterinary medicine, as a Receptionist. It was income that I desperately needed, but things were not as they seemed. Four months later, I quit my job with a 3-page resignation letter, which doubled as my exit interview. It was the first time I have ever quit a job without the prospect of another job to start the next day, week or month. I just couldn't work there any longer for several reasons, which were outlined in my resignation letter.
Now to reign back in to the fact that I am having a fucking crisis. I have no clue what I want to do and I'm being picky af about my job options because at this point in my life I have a serious problem with jobs that drug test. I have never been drunk on the job, nor high on the job, but I have been drunk and high outside of business hours on my personal time. I am intelligent enough to know that marijuana alters my mental state, which is why I would never use it on the job, the same can be said for alcohol. I am also intelligent enough to know that marijuana is not federally legal, and that states legislate it differently, but it is a drug I used recreationally and legally while in Colorado...when in Rome.
Aside from that, I'm just also having a crisis on what I want to fucking do. I'm looking at admin jobs, entertainment jobs, TOEFL jobs, jobs in other states, jobs in other countries...and I just have no fucking clue what I want to do and where I want to do it. Honestly, I would love to get into the entertainment industry as someone's personal assistant or working for an agency in an admin position (to start), but then there are days where I'd rather just work in a database all day and get paid to not have to talk to anyone and just send out reports and letters. FML, haha!
With all of that being said, I have a tarot reading scheduled for Sunday and plan to just go in with a big ass question mark over my head and see what the cards and my tarot guide have to offer me in the face of this crisis.
