Why telling a woman to get a gun to protect herself is wrong

There have been a lot of emotionally driven exchanges over the past week, and rightfully so. We as human beings are emotional creatures and it is okay to have and express your emotions. What is not okay are the people continuing to judge others for their feelings and for expressing them. Those feelings are valid and real!

I am a person who wears my heart on my sleeve and I am completely transparent about my life and the way I lead it. Every part of it. I am lucky to have grown up in a family where it is okay to be who I am and express who I am openly. I will continue to do that until the day I die because once I stop being who I am and keep quiet about an issue that puts another at a disadvantage, I immediately side with the oppressor. 

While some of my friends recently have been logging off of Facebook temporarily to wait until the political climate hits a lull, I will not. It will not shut out what is actually happening around the world and if Facebook is one of the platforms I can use to share my stories and the stories of others to try and make a difference, then I will, while I still have the choice.

I have made several posts regarding the Women's March this week and have shared several articles surrounding the march as well and have received criticisms from men regarding some of these posts. I have seen similar posts my friends have made with the same criticisms from men.

These posts have had a component that involved violence against women. I have had and seen several men say on this platform, "well if a woman wants to protect herself, she should buy a gun." I have stayed silent to gather my thoughts on this and now feel ready to explain why it is completely WRONG for a man to say that to a woman, about a woman.

1. Let's start with the victim blaming issue here. You may not look at it and think that the statement is victim blaming, but behind the suggestion of buying a gun, you already look at a woman as if she is a victim, a prey and how she should protect herself.
2. A man may also suggest a woman take self defense courses, carry mace, pepper spray, a knife or a whistle on her at all times for protection. Again, reinforcing the idea that a woman is a prey. Of all of the above suggestions, a woman having a whistle seems to be suggested the least, "oh no! We [men] have to go straight to suggesting a gun!"
3. I am in no way saying anything about your right [to bear arms] when I tell you it is wrong to tell a woman to buy a gun to protect herself. But if you try to breach the argument using that, I will shut that shit down because it is irrelevant. Think about it. The Second Amendment of the United States Constitution reads: "A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed." (Cornell University Law School) Trying to argue that it is a woman's right to own a gun vs. a woman protecting herself against violence with a gun, no. Just no. I have the right to buy and own a frying pan, but that doesn't necessarily mean I will ever use it as a means of protection.
4. Guns escalate violence. Say a woman has a gun for protection, but her assailant uses more force than she can fight against, steals the gun away from her and kills her with her own gun. It's a Catch-22.
5. Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault are about Power and Control. Not all violence against women warrants a gun and you should know the signs:



NCDSV Power & Control diagram

6. WHY ARE WE NOT ASKING THE MEN TO CHANGE?! Seriously! Why should a woman be the only one to change or expand her habits as to not be targeted as a victim or prey?! Are you teaching your sons (and other men) it is not okay to hit a girl or stalk her or call her names? If you are not, then we circumvent this issue. We should not have to tell our daughters, sisters, mothers, aunts, grandmothers, cousins, nieces, etc. how to protect themselves against violence, if we are teaching our sons, brothers, fathers, uncles, grandfathers, cousins, nephews, etc. how to have respect women, give women their personal space, and let them have control over their own self. I feel strongly that all men need to take women's studies courses to fully understand what it is like to be a woman, how far we have come in society, and yet how far we still have to go to achieve equality and respect. Knowing is part of the battle. Knowledge is power.

My hope is that we can stop victim blaming and start asking men to respect women properly and let women take control and power over themselves and their bodies without the use of self defense courses and weapons for protection. Until we can achieve this, we are not equal and this is why I marched.